Nikita Renee, 11 february 2012
Lines flow in tidal waves
Unknowingly
In up and downward facing curves—
But they are not mine.
Thoughts drive in and outward—
Forcefully
Each with an appetite of its own,
Independently fulfilled.
Body succumbs to mind:
Enshrouded in darkness
As the bird, constrained,
dies in its cage.
I gaze onward, beyond;
Unaffected,
Lack of recognition denied.
Carefully reconfigured.
These lines are not mine.
I have gone.
Nikita Renee, 10 february 2012
Reorginizing wind tunnels;
Walk in line.
Ordinary people, under control.
Awakened, dead and underground
At peace at last,
Carbon copies.
Jewel-toned chaos turns to black:
Refocused, harsh.
Static.
Ignore. Reform. Refuse. Deny.
Breathe. Exhale.
Don’t let them see.
Ordinary people, under control.
Carbon copies.
Static.
Nikita Renee, 10 february 2012
the walls close around, my world turns to dark
the night surrounds my empty heart; my mind
spins wildly with words and shadows black
and smoky—i hear voices shout behind
my ears, my head begins to pound and throb
the emptiness fills, pressure starts to build
and images shoot through me as i sob
for all the pain that eats me from inside
like alien hands grabbing at my brain
i cross a bridge, in water can i hide
from careless words and lost, judgmental souls
sharp currents look like icebergs beckoning
me from cool life’s harsh fire with their cold
but i won’t go, i edge carefully on
a flash of light and i am in the woods—
a length of rope lays limply by a tree
tall and sturdy, yet not unquestioning
he stares through leafy branches down at me
as birds fly by singing, and i curse both
for what right have they to live now so freely?
a flash hits again, the clashing of headlights
and i quickly shield my eyes, brace to resist
but the car continues racing as fast
as my heart, and i’m tired of its beat
i’m tired of the heat of the moment.
sometimes i wish i could step on the gas,
crash into something better than this.
sometimes i think of my soul floating up,
looking down on the remains and the lights
and the flames and all signs of what could be;
what could have been then but won’t ever be,
because then is over. everyone’s gone.
sometimes i wish i was, too.
Nikita Renee, 10 february 2012
leavemealone! i don’t want you with me.
your company’s worse than being alone.
forever alone i’d much rather be
than smothered by your perpetual drone.
your cob-web filled eyes are hollow and grey
your smile’s as welcome as you are to stay.
how hollow your mind, how hollow your heart
must be, believing i grieve when we part!
naive little boy, how sorry are you?
you wouldn’t be now if then you’d been true.
no pity have i for liars and cheats
excuses run high but by now talk is cheap.
you’ve settled your case and dug your own grave
so lay in it, please! but first—go away.
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