Prose

     As a young
whippersnapper and one precocious lad to boot, I discovered common combustible
materials found in the bathroom.
     At opportune times, I
blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals that could (but never did) explode
into one humungous fiery maelstrom and bloom this lad to smithereens!
    Window kept open to avoid
un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation!
   After clearing defecation deep
within, the recesses of my bowels, I thenceforth indiscriminately combined
various household cleansers and cleaners (in powder and/or liquid form) into
the bidet.
     The requisite
sphincter muscle byproduct constituted the key ingredient.
     Anyway, my aha moment
arrived one childhood day that long sought after ka-boom sent a plume of smoke
in tandem with geyser of water caused me to feel flush with excitement!
   Waste trill fluttering filled
thine heart (like music to thine ears) after mine solid waste fecal byproduct went
kerplunk.
     Mere seconds elapsed
before explosive outcome found me hurled clear across the room like a bat out
of hell!
   Fortunate for me that this natural
bodily excretory function never caused any serious outcome nor injury to life
nor limb!
     Immaculate notes (with
graphic pictures – albeit crude) attempted to document any pertinent
information.
     At some juncture with
this private laboratory experiment, a close observation (with nose pinched
tight) revealed bubbles of air trapped within our archaic household plumbing fixtures.
    That aha i.e.eureka moment
prompted me to utter “holy shit” when a chain reaction this similar volcanic
rush of air took place within the planet!
   With haste not waste, these nimble
fingers scribbled unintelligible (deliberately illegible to everybody but
myself) the chemical romance to light a fire under the buttocks of whomever
happened to be in need of emptying their bowels!
   Now, I eagerly waited (albeit
with impatience) for that opportune time whereby thee unsuspecting child or
adult needed to answer that alimentary call of nature my dear Watson!
   The moment of anticipation
arrived when a long forgotten accursed relative visited unexpected, which
unannounced rap on the door fueled fanciful notion to whip up potion to
promulgate prank within the potty!
   Once necessary ingredients (which
secret formula cannot be divulged – well maybe for a negotiable fee) got poured
giddy glee generated gloating from head to toe!
   Quick as Jack B Nimble or his
best friend Jack B. Quick, these skinny legs sped away, yet in close activity
to the innocent by sitter who nonchalantly ambled into the powder room to tend
to private business!
   Right ear cocked against wall
that served as barrier between occupant of water closet and yours truly!
   Pleasant barely audible humming
bird singing emanated while obnoxious guest of dishonor proceeded to place
posterior atop potty!
   Seconds ticked by with every now
and again pages of printed material heard in conjunction with abdominal groans
and grunts to assist sacrifice to the porcelain goddess!
   Utter stillness suddenly
punctuated by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper!
   I cupped hands to mouth lest any
unwanted guffaw slip out!
   Instantaneously, our pestilential
kooky cousin kissed their ass goodbye as propulsion forced the body politick
clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window!
   Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used
here to protect the not so innocent) soon became diminishing shape spiraling
toward the horizon!
   One speck of flotsam headed
spaceward versus the turgid turd joining brethren into the sewerage cistern!
 
Written
by: Edgar Allan poop