Samantha, 4 august 2012
I can't cry in silence
I can't cry in crowds
Even when I'm dying
Not a tear in my eye sprouts
Maybe I am broken
Need to be repaired
because I lack emotion
Honestly nothings there
Apathetic smile's
Apathetic laughs
Maybe If I give it awhile
What's missing will come back
Wandering through life
Yes I do exist
I take up room, and act polite
but somewhere I just quit
At least when you have hope
You have a glimmer of light
I've never been this low
Not one tear in my eye
I might as well be dead
I might as well just go
I could only care less
At least that I really know
but if you see my love
Tell him that I tried
and when he starts to shrug
save him so he is not like I
Samantha, 1 april 2012
My mind wanders to older days,
Where things weren't hopeless and I played in waves,
Lost direction and hate to say it,
But you showed me this road you may have paved it,
Tripping over all your lies,
They grab my ankles and cover my cries,
These chains have rust running down my wrist,
Finding pain in the trust that doesn't exist,
The light in my eyes faded black,
You never had the time to notice that,
Completely broken you didn't miss a piece,
I sit here chocking on my own heartbeat,
Life feels hollow and I feel alone,
So many places and I wanna go home,
I know now that it's just a dream,
Just a flicker of hope that seems obscene,
Home is a place that you belong,
It's hard to face that this feels wrong,
Looking up to the sky did me no good,
Tilted my head down and watched where I stood,
Someone save me before I fall,
Standing on the edge and you just pushed me off
Samantha, 26 march 2012
Sometimes I pretend to care,
I show interest and hold my stare,
I ignore the goblins in my ear,
Look at you and pretend to hear,
I want to talk about how I feel,
Ask you if ghost are real,
Tell you about my spinning mind,
You'll think I'm crazy or worse you'll say I'll be fine,
I contemplate and get confused,
You think you've made a mistake i do too,
You shouldn't be here in my life,
I say It you're in tears but I don't cry,
Then I get on the marry go round,
When my thoughts capture me and I spin till I drown,
Why is my soul so cold?
Where's my heart once it was gold,
Questions and wonder paralyze,
I hear suggestions and thunder all inside,
Then you tap my shoulder and I look up,
Obviously you've had enough,
Goodbye I never did care if you left,
I'll get high because it stops the thoughts and their dept,
Couldn't have been love because it's not real,
Or maybe it was I can't get off this spinning wheel.
Samantha, 24 march 2012
I've fought so long to not be alone,
But tonight my armers down and my minds blown,
Dreaming of shadows and monsters and mice,
Tossing love out the window like I did advice,
Everything's spinning and screaming at me,
The demons are winning and there's no hero I see,
I'll never be enough whispers a wandering thought,
I'll never be enough I just want this to stop,
The envy and false hope weighs on a heart,
Believe me I know I'm falling apart,
If I had one thing I'd hold it tight,
But God doesn't make deals with souls he has to fight,
So here I am at almost five,
Here I stand alone but alive.
Samantha, 22 march 2012
Shaking at the knee I am terrified,
If I give you part of me it could be suicide,
I forgot how to hold a hand and trust,
I know you have too you only fall for lust,
What is this world we are living in?
We've lived on the edge of everything so long that being safe is almost dim,
When everything amazing is ripped out of your hands,
When love is told to be a lie and you finally understand,
Your gonna want to run faster each day,
For some reason we run into sin and disarray,
Knowing if we fall it won't hurt so bad,
Because we've already touched bottom and all this pain we've had,
Playing with fire always on guard,
Looking to get higher and going way too far,
And cause and effect loses its touch,
The emotions disconnect and you use delusion as a crutch,
I wouldn't care if I died in an hour,
I wouldn't dare tell anyone guilt would shower,
To live for something is all you have,
So if you get ahold of anything you grab,
But some of us have empty eyes,
Because some of us have been fed lies,
Your allot like me and I'm like you,
Maybe just maybe we'll find this moon new.
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