Prose

Joanna


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16 april 2012

Self

Once you've seen who you really are you can't go back.  You  can't unsee it.  You can't pretend you don't know about it.  You can't hide your self from yourself.  You can't forget you saw
it.  You can't pretend it isn't a part of you.  You can't pretend it doesn’t exist just because no one else can see it.  You know what kind of monster you are and you can't be afraid of yourself forever.  You can't hide from yourself forever.  Eventually you  have to come to terms with all of who you are.  You can't just  close your eyes and tell everyone it's not there because you can't see it.  You can't be a child about it.  You have to be an adult.   You have to responsible.  What an awful word.  You have to be  accountable for the things this part of you does.  You either control it, coexist with it or let it run your life from then on.  You  have to decide if it is really who you are or who you want to be or  if it's just a part of who you are.  Are you really so one  dimensional?  I doubt it.  You don't have to rule over this newly  discovered side of yourself, you just have to decide how far to let the leash out and when to reel it in again.  You have to test the  waters and see where this newest part of you fits with the older  parts of you.  You have to realize that it's not bad to be multifaceted.  Facets are what make ordinary rocks into the most  beautiful gems.  You ought to embrace this new sense of self and run with it – let it shine for everyone to see, and then tone it down and let it show through when you need it, not just when you want it.  You need to accept this new part of you into your self and let your self mesh every one part of you together in the best configuration possible.  Your self, your true identity, your true nature, will always prevail in the best ways.  You will never let yourself down, so trust your self and let it take control.  Put your mind on hold and just be until your new amalgamation of facets has been constructed and is in an acceptable form, and then let your mind enter into your new self and let it see how amazing you have become.  Your mind will accept you if your self is intact in an attractive manner and not haphazardly throw together in an attempt to satisfy your need for instant gratification.  All the best things need time, space and support to grow properly and your mind can only enhance your self once they are joined.  Only then
will you be free of your worries and doubts and self-inflicted  wounds.  Only then will you be free from the world's judgments
and accepted by nature as one of its own.  Only then will you accept yourself fully and be happy in yourself and who you are.






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