Poetry

I swallow my pride and my pills
Slide into my shirt and a brotherhood that kills
You complicate my life, you see
With our sometimes loving rivalry
You don’t have a right to give me your orders
Think I collect my friends like quarters
You fight for me to work more hours
Yet, when I'm there, refuse me all my powers
You're far from tame
You're not to blame
I'm hurt by your many power plays
Infused through each of my tasks during our long shared days
You seem to think I am the failure of our division
Yet say that helping me is your mission
You defend my need to take emergency vacation
Then mimic my requests with impassioned animation
You say that my care will cause me a failure to be
Yet insist you've been nothing but nice to me
For you, I always try to be there
And in return, for me you lack respect and care
You call my commiseration wrongly confiding
After prior telling me the darkest struggles you've been hiding
You say my return stories feel too personal for work
After telling me your fam’ly thinks you’ll only be a failing jerk
And adding news of your last death attempt
From these stories everyone else is exempt
You'll open up more when only with me
Then slide right back into our rivalry
You think you know me but you don't
I try to listen but you won't
Anxiety spins ‘round your head
You say it keeps you from your bed
You complain and yes you whine
Yet say the act is solely mine
You'll change your heart and your mind on a dime
Of sanity host a vivid pantomime
I know how much you must be hurting
But if I said that I care, you'd accuse me of flirting
We've crossed places before, by night have seen each other's demons
We've been drowned by tides larger than any seaman’s
I see so much of myself in you
I wish there was something I could do
To lighten your load
Or walk with you along your road
I long to show you you’re never alone
That’s why I listen ev’ry time you groan
When I share my past mem’ries, I want you to see
That unspeakable terror hath also struck me
And I’m not here to judge you; I want to keep you from harm
I don’t mean to cause you doubt or alarm
When I tell you my sob stories, I aim to make you see
That no matter your burdens, you can always come to me
I'm here to erase all your feelings of shame
Remind you that some of your trauma I've experienced the same
And talking to me, I try to make you feel unthreatened
So for a moment, your burdens have been lessened
I’m there for and with you, through darkness and spite
I see within you a shimmering faint light
I reserve all judgements for the courts
And pray to be one of your biggest supports
It hurts me to see that your heart’s so deeply broken
I hear you sob through words unspoken
When you tell me that you want to die No lie I can't help but want to hug you tight And tell you that you'll be alright
Believe me when I show you or not
That despite your disguises, time I’ll always allot
You may act incapable of returning gratitude
But I am grateful for you through your every mood
After our battles you may never show you feel remorse
But woe is so destructive it could knock you off your course
And I must trust that some days when I cross your mind
The sad veins burst that your heart bind
Anon, when thoughts of spars with me come flooding in
‘Gainst internal tears you cannot win
You feel a loss and wish that you could tell me so
You’re scared I'd hurt you, tho, so I can never know
I know you're mad at the hurtful world
And your thick facade has scarcely unfurled
I know they bullied you by day
But I'm here to take the pain away
Our similarity is quite ironic
For you I long to be a tonic
Yet oft your shaking hand won't take my steady bait
Thinking for my help it is already too late
You won't cast out a palm or even a glance
For fear of your falling, you won't take a chance
I promise no nose dive could be ever as steep
As my stubborn care for you is deep
And no balmy vision of pure pasture
Will e’er be greener than my 5’7” stature
Gently I'm trying to be your safe haven
Through which you can drown out the Raven
Your heart with woe is fervidly aflame
I’m here to win with you this perilous game
Take a sip of my water
Whene’er you feel it's getting hotter
Take a step from the edge; let your faith be e'er pure
I want you to feel valuable—secure
You might first be mad or think I am “crushing”
But to false conclusions you'd be prematurely rushing
When I see my brother drowning, his shining star becoming dim
Who would I be not to swim to him?
Think me not daft
For not thinking twice ‘ere casting you my life raft
Let me keep you close while you're swimming to shore
Through my frustration know I you adore
And I see your potential to be so much more
For they can't break you at your core
You say you've let the world go
How, then, will you optimally grow?
Persistence and forgiveness make successful men
Without them, what would you accomplish then?
You want to be better than your genes would imply
So to hold onto something you must try
Let your hope cling to that one little dream
And defend it with your resilient scream
Your fans and dreams you can never release
To avoid letting your achievements cease
You cannot gain fans
By buying them beer cans
Start with that auburn-haired girl next to you
Like it or not, she’s in your corner too
So far in your corner
That for your snares she is a mourner
More than even you, perhaps
Which is why so many times she snaps
Tears fell to my grandpa’s grave at best
Thinking of how soon we may lay you to rest
That shooting star is falling fast
Let me uplift him so his light will last
Before he believes that his dice has been cast
And we wake up one morning to find he has passed
Give me a chance to show you your light
Before my greatest current fear is right
Fourteen days and two more to the grave
Why do you think that you have to be brave?
You say by now you've long gone numb
And I play along, but I'm not dumb
Do you think anyone cries for you?
I assure you at least once a day I do
You tell me I'm not strong
How about YOU just play along?
I act weak so you can be
The remainder of my battle you're too numb to see
I hope you'll ever see me cry
Either for you or because my eyes are dry
I bear our pain
I'm the one with the most gain
I'd love to share this gain with you
‘Ere that mourning dove for you can coo
Do you really believe you’re only headed for dead ends?
You think you’re too far gone to make amends?
The drowning may well be “all in your head”
But you’ve forgotten that above tides you can tread
You are an EMT; save yourself
Rather than drowning in feigned ignorance, your wealth
Don’t drown--I’m here! Just come aboard
I’ll keep you from drowning in the snares you’re headed toward
You resist help, but you tremble with no touch
What would it take for you; how much?
If you contracted hypothermia a first time or again
Would you let me hold you then?
Would you accept my warm fuzzy jacket?
Or disqualify me, like a team from a bracket?
I long for a day when your limits will be tested
While you are with me, so my hope’s not ill-invested
One day, you’ll stop being able to act
At long last your shell I will have cracked
Someday you’ll cry before I am yet gone
T’will be a day with a brand new dawn
Whether or not there are people around
I’ll kneel beside you on the ground
I’ll tell you you’re loved and I’ll show you you’re safe
Your heart will not be mangled by any emotion’s sudden strafe
I’ll get to wrap you in a long, gentle hug
Rather than iron out your every bug
I'll get to accept you for all that you are
Including the numerous times we will spar
I'll be there and you'll be able to see
My heart holds as a safe haven steady
And your shell to crack for me will be ready
For a moment, you won't be strong
And I'll show you that with this nothing is wrong
Only with your family who told you nothing good you'd ever be when grown
March on to their abusive drone!
You can do this—you can fly!
I love you gentler when you cry
Go explore and find your passion
A new course for yourself fashion
Follow your heart
I've seen it glowing from the start
Your belief in their sentiments must be deceased
For your highest goals to begin to be reached
You can't climb the ladder beyond its top rung
Unless to the world your melody’s been sung
Want to show them we’re survivors?
Climb atop those dark, weak risers
Ask me for your first note
And I'll give you my only coat
Far more than you have stumbled
Have pro football plays been fumbled
You lie dormant within a resentful cocoon
But walk with me and you'll be emerging quite soon
For I see the butterfly you're scared to show rather than hide
I'm here to take with you this long and scary ride
I’m trusting these wings to appear after some end
After to avail I've tried your heart to mend
So soundly the “dead” chick will tremble as its shell is breaking
So deeply it will choke when its first breath it's taking
The agony is deep in those first moments of its life
But after its hatching all becomes so worth the strife
To a new world it awakes full of fans; for it they're cheering
It matters no more if the rest are sneering
After patience has been lost
And the audience concluded that this shaking egg’s not worth the cost
I fade all the lights but the one I see within
Hold it close to my heart with an intoxicating grin
Fear flutters so softly and slowly around
After eons I refuse to toss you back on the ground
I see its mangled soul and patiently I wait to at last be able you to see
For you're a long sought branch from my family tree
While the shell feigns its unveiling, I wonder who you'll be
But will you bless me, hatchling; will you open up to me?