Prose

How long can someone keep one eye shut? I mean, the world record? A gnat flew into my left eyeball this morning. Right into my iris! I heard my cornea scream out from the back row as if it were some b rated horror film and it wanted it’s money back. The gnat died on impact, my only sliver of silver lining. Too bad im left with an eyeball tearing up and convulsing at the THOUGHT of light.
I was so angry, I cussed all the bugs I passed on the rest of my walk. I know I’ll burn my other one trying to light my cigarette. Never underestimate depth perception’s worth.
So, will my right eye demand retrobution? Protesting payment in full and picking up the slack for it’s partner sent home with an honorable discharge? There is too much to see for just one eye. How the hell did pirates sword fight in this condition?
I was actually carrying a pencil, point side up, at the time. Not exactly a sword, but my mom always told me I’d poke an eye out doing that. That gnat must have been waiting 20 years to catch me in the act!
Now the muscles around my eyesocket are getting tired from squeezing shut. I think I’ve only been at it for about an hour. How many calories can this burn? I'll call this the gnat-eye exercise plan.