Shaakiera Schroeder, 5 january 2012
Silence needed
Today I woke
Face soaked
Eyes swollen
Today I woke with tears in my eyes.
Drenched were the pillows on which I sleep
Saturated like my soul…
Finding no inspiration to leave the refuge of my bed …
I sink deeper into the sodden bedding
Dragging the covers over my head.
Just two hours of restless slumber…two hours was all I managed.
I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep…
Drained…in everyway imaginable…drained past the bone,
Drained right down to the core of my soul.
No energy to move…cant move…don’t want to move.
Can’t stop the memories …overpowering…
Filling my head.
Conversations and moments_
Tears and laughter_
Dreams…desires…fears…
All we shared…
STOP….STOP.
Please stop…..
I can’t take it anymore!
Drowning…suffocating…
I can’t breathe….
The haze of fatigue sweeps over me…
My eyes drops wearily close…
As they painstakingly open then close…
You begin to fade into the mist.
Promised silence entices me_
Quiet is all I crave…alone is all I need!
Stillness is granted for mere seconds…
Peace fleeting…
Dreams are haunted…eerily preoccupied…
Swamped with images of you.
So vivid…
Taste …smell
Everything so real…
I swear I can feel your arms around me
Embracing...
I pray- “don’t leave”
Familiar voice…Mouth promising …
”I love you…everything will be okay”
Lies …sweet….sweet …lies.
Last night I dreamt I lost you…
This morning I woke to reality…
And found its true!
Shaakiera Schroeder
Shaakiera Schroeder, 29 december 2011
I wish…
Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart...it betrayed me one to many times....
I love to deeply. And care too excessively...
Then I hurt!
And the hurt is like so many hurts I have endured ...yet so unlike any...
Each time its new...somewhat unique in its anguish...lingering...
Stalking me during the day...and as night falls so does my reserve...
Proclaimed by the world as a "strong woman" if only they had to see be now...
On bended knees wailing pleadingly to GOD …”Help me”...help stop this pain....let the light come in me...and then...then there's silence...not just your everyday quiet...but serene silence...the type that let's u know at this very moment your creator has lifted u up to his chest and is now rocking u...lulling u to sleep, a deep peaceful slumber and u exhale....thinking...there is tomorrow....tomorrow I'll be brave...tomorrow I will try again!
Written
SS(06/10/11)
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