4 february 2012
My Room
I like when the blood becomes a puddle
When I am on the ground in a huddle
I like when I get dizzy and tired
Or when I’m so excited I’m wired
So the hurt you give is nice
And a smile would reach my face of ice
Warmed by your expression and frozen by lack of help
Cutting me again not hearing me yelp
A giggle escapes my blue lips
And something in your mind skips
You’ve got it don’t you torturer of one
That numbness has kissed my body and I am done
So whip again for I do not care
I will smile so wide in this dead stare
On this cold concrete floor I lay
In the room plain like my soul empty and gray
To see you locking that painted red door
As I count days and you keep score
Nails bleed as I scratch in another line
As my mind goes to turn on the vacancy sign
Time for my happy place until then
Waiting for you tomorrow to enter again
Now repetition it my only friend
That I have to depend
Did you put me here on purpose Sweet
Or am I blamed that I can’t stand on my feet
And so grief stricken I wish for death
Cursing this in and out movement of breath
No I don’t think I can blame
That once smiling child in that picture frame
You don’t want the world to see your mistake
So you create a reason so fake
My Room (continued)
What is the use? Just kill the child
Me! Your daughters’ emotions are mild
Give it up it is over don’t you know
Still you open that door and make blood flow
Red as the door and my skin turns as the walls
And I swear I hear God’s gracing calls
I match pale gray as my skin turns
And pain grips my stomach to make it churn
Does this story ever finish?
Or this sadness ever diminish
No I would say not
For I speak in my poems where I will rot
So sad but true my precious reader
To take this song but I can’t be the leader
Because the game of tag I can’t win
That is why I end this poem in a sin
I must tell you that you will never read this
For I can’t take away your ignorant bliss
So I waste my time writing on this thin sheet
Waiting for him to come in and beat
The living hell out of my limbs
As the light around my eyes dim
And close my eyes happily without asking why
But wait why do you cry? My poor pain giver
With tears so big it caused a rapid river
Now I don’t know at all nor understand
Was it my fault all along I do so demand
How sad I caused you pain by my poem ink
As I slip deeper in to a blood pool I sink
Torturer I am so sorry it is true
What now? Is it to late! What can I do?
Wait! Don’t leave me I get it
Why you beat Sweet. Why you hi