Chyna Jade, 10 july 2012
River of thoughts
The nightmares I fought
The eyes they have caught
You...
Only you...
Chyna Jade, 4 february 2012
You.) You are not me an I not you
So why do you try so hard to do what I do
Me.) Because I am nobody and I am clear
Please let me be someone who is not filled with fear
You.) Why should I daughter leave my dark cover?
My shadow at which you hover
Me.) I need you please I beg of thee
I was never enough to just be me
You.) Away with you and your empty way
To feel wanted with love each day
Me.) I know I don’t deserve another chance
But won’t you give me one glance
You.) Why? It would only be a waste
Leaving my poor should with a bad taste
Me.) I’m sorry I now know why
You wished me away for alone I must die
Chyna Jade, 4 february 2012
Here comes the evil that presides in me
Here comes the thought shouting in my mind
I feel the pressure of quilt ready to be
This angry attack on all mankind
Pluto the planet that is I
Controls all souls that pass life
A reminder to the good you always defy
The one who has taken his beautiful wife
For you animal lover yet murder of it
Deserve the worst of quilt yet to be seen
But knock on wood and here becomes a pit
To hell and this never ending dream
For a life you took in ease
Sir this sin you have done
Is the one I take your soul in please
So think again before night turns to sun
Because the life you took is your own
With karma sitting in the back seat
And hatred in your heart tuned into stone
Still the poor animal purrs at your feet
Chyna Jade, 4 february 2012
I like when the blood becomes a puddle
When I am on the ground in a huddle
I like when I get dizzy and tired
Or when I’m so excited I’m wired
So the hurt you give is nice
And a smile would reach my face of ice
Warmed by your expression and frozen by lack of help
Cutting me again not hearing me yelp
A giggle escapes my blue lips
And something in your mind skips
You’ve got it don’t you torturer of one
That numbness has kissed my body and I am done
So whip again for I do not care
I will smile so wide in this dead stare
On this cold concrete floor I lay
In the room plain like my soul empty and gray
To see you locking that painted red door
As I count days and you keep score
Nails bleed as I scratch in another line
As my mind goes to turn on the vacancy sign
Time for my happy place until then
Waiting for you tomorrow to enter again
Now repetition it my only friend
That I have to depend
Did you put me here on purpose Sweet
Or am I blamed that I can’t stand on my feet
And so grief stricken I wish for death
Cursing this in and out movement of breath
No I don’t think I can blame
That once smiling child in that picture frame
You don’t want the world to see your mistake
So you create a reason so fake
My Room (continued)
What is the use? Just kill the child
Me! Your daughters’ emotions are mild
Give it up it is over don’t you know
Still you open that door and make blood flow
Red as the door and my skin turns as the walls
And I swear I hear God’s gracing calls
I match pale gray as my skin turns
And pain grips my stomach to make it churn
Does this story ever finish?
Or this sadness ever diminish
No I would say not
For I speak in my poems where I will rot
So sad but true my precious reader
To take this song but I can’t be the leader
Because the game of tag I can’t win
That is why I end this poem in a sin
I must tell you that you will never read this
For I can’t take away your ignorant bliss
So I waste my time writing on this thin sheet
Waiting for him to come in and beat
The living hell out of my limbs
As the light around my eyes dim
And close my eyes happily without asking why
But wait why do you cry? My poor pain giver
With tears so big it caused a rapid river
Now I don’t know at all nor understand
Was it my fault all along I do so demand
How sad I caused you pain by my poem ink
As I slip deeper in to a blood pool I sink
Torturer I am so sorry it is true
What now? Is it to late! What can I do?
Wait! Don’t leave me I get it
Why you beat Sweet. Why you hi
Chyna Jade, 31 january 2012
Screaming pain I ask for someone to care
It has no meaning if your voice is weak from being Insignificant
That you have to stand and raise your hand
For people to notice you
And for your microscopic brain to comprehend
You are Insignificant
My fear of stepping out of my house
Then treading in my rut
Like I’m happy but it is not true
For I am Insignificant
Because behind the smile I ache
For something meaningful and important to do
But I am Insignificant
Yet no matter how hard I try my bad luck will kill me
And I will be another headstone that nobody knew
And I laugh at my own weakness so pathetic
I make myself sick with rage
Still I am Insignificant
I wish my life were over so I can disengage
To you I am happy and to me you are
Chyna Jade, 31 january 2012
Do you feel the wind blow?
Or notice sound follows where you go
Does the rain make you cry?
And dance to the trees that might die
Because you might not see them again
I frown for the parents who take away child’s grin
How do you breathe when life is gone?
But your heart beats on
Are you confused by a simple idea said?
Are there things you’ve wished you read?
Just imagine the things learned by skies
Not hearing sadness in “Whys”
Simple answers to mind numbing thought
With everyone adding to the mixing pot
How great would it be to see the world at its best
Appreciating everything and not worrying about the rest
Chyna Jade, 31 january 2012
Pull the covers over my head
So I don’t have to hear what you said
Quiet now I am asleep
Under this world too deep
Off in dreamland filled with wonder
But what is that I hear? Thunder
No it is your voice that keeps on yelling
And still I don’t really care what you’re telling
Yet you shake me awake to say to me
That I am worthless and I need to see
Why do you ruin my sweet, sweet dream?
And take a notch down on my self-esteem
Does it bring you pleasure
As you take my life for your treasure
No I am not worth that much
But what I am is the bones under your feet that go crunch
Crunch…
Crunch…
Crunch…
There I go
To where I dare not know
Chyna Jade, 24 january 2012
(Point one) I listen to all the hateful things you say
But I just laugh and giggle where I lay
Do you hate how I ignore you?
How I don’t give a damn what you do
(Point two) You daughter of a great teacher
Smiling in the mirror with a grimaced feature
Yes I talk to you my own reflection of pain
How I hate you but you laugh to drive me insane
(Point one) I will enjoy the sweet death
As I kill all happiness with our last breath
But wonder not why I kill
Because I only do it so we won’t feel
The life is not meant to be taken away
But hate me still with all your might today
(Point two) I guess I should thank you with ease
But only your anger it would appease
So no I despise myself no matter what
To be shamed, hated, forever in this rut
A path I follow on and on
Until we die and I am gone
Chyna Jade, 24 january 2012
In the shadow lands of my sorrows
I weep for there is no tomorrow
Tears fall down to the ashen ground
Too petal soft to make a sound
But I weep not for you
Or all the things I once knew
But I weep for lost hope
For this land and I do not cope
Still my shadow lands are a barren escape
And I run until sweat soaks my nape
My neck, my body quivered with this joy
As I fell into the arms of my childhood toys
Hope at last arise with this never lasting moment
And into the wind my soul was sent
Chyna Jade, 24 january 2012
Hollow heart beats in an empty chest
Eyes black close with lack of rest
Dreams cause even less sleep
And I would cry but I cannot weep
I watch every sun raise
Moving throughout the day in a haze
Friends speak sweet words
But my ears have never heard
Kindness spoken by thee
For I want not to be me
I want anger
I want to be put in danger
But this is my empty hope
Put away along with this rope
That once gave me cause
From this edge I hang at the devils jaws
Suicide I thought would be the end
But you save me my ignorant friend
You are my rope my safety net
Saving me was in your minds set
I scream and shout for you to let go
But I hide emotions afraid to show
For as much as I hate you to all of the above
A friend you are and I do so love
Grasping my hand it burns
Because death is the only thing that I earn
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