Jock Engelman, 5 january 2012
It’s been said one door closes another opens;
But that isnt always true;
More like as one book opens another closes;
Their the stories of our lives;
As each page has been turned, a day of our lives passes;
Wondering where the plot twist occurs;
That is the exciting mystery;
Before marking my place tonight;
I fear the next page;
As it turns, I close my eyes tight;
Am I all alone?
Are you and I together now?
I hold my seat tight;
Afraid to view my future;
My eyes tear as I pass through each page ;
Jock Engelman, 5 january 2012
A thousand fair suitors all stab at your heart
Those poets of movement and jockeys of art
The high-volume vendors who hustle romance
Splashing their canvas with color and dance
The blasters of trumpets, gold banners unfurled
They offer lush gardens in glistening worlds
Yes, bearers of torches and carvers of stone
Who whisper their sonnets and surrender their thrones
And there in your doorway, no shadow is cast
No lingering voices, no ghosts from the past
Just a cluster of walls, and a window of pain
Collecting the heartache like droplets of rain
Still I stand before you, with palms to the sky
No gold in my pocket, no thorn in my side
And all I can offer, where words have no place
Is a body that trembles, and this love that awaits
Jock Engelman, 5 january 2012
As I watch the sun set and watch it rise
i hear the sound of my alarm clock
can i survive the world today?
sleepless nights, eyes burning
maybe i will sleep tonight, must keep going
as i lay curled on the shower floor
i silently cry to myself
so tired, yet so awake
out to my guym, the barrier between
the chaos of the dark passenger
as the monster dwelling within
tries to control my actions
through my day, i’m surrounded yet alone
missunderstood, riddiculed, and mocked
i wonder why they are happy
as i move from class to class
i pull my long sleeves down to hide the scars
no one must know i’m vunerable
until the lonely trip home
once i am home, i train my pain away
attempting to tire myself out
and i complete my homework
hoping that i can be loved
i lay myself by the shower now
knife in hand, maybe tonights the end
and as the warm blood flows freely
the white floor pools with my blood
finally a pain i can understand
and as the blood clots, i shower clean
i stay up late into the night
trying to stitch up my wounds
i lay myself down to rest late tonight
as a warm fat tear rolls down my cheek
i watch the clock spin
this is my daily cycle…
Jock Engelman, 3 january 2012
Into society I was hurled
Outcasted from the world
Filled with emptyness
A fear of lonelyness
An emotionally damaged child
Who could not be more wild
always feeling alone
when no where feels like home
Now as a teen and an insomniac
I miss you, please come back
I am lost without you
my friends are very few
All that i know is you ruined me
I must live on my days
All alone and depressed
As I search for my broken heart…
Jock Engelman, 3 january 2012
As the Darkness supresses me
I drown in my panic and fear
Its not the Darkness that scares me
Its the Unknown of what’s near
My breath is stolen by the wind
wishing for help, I cant shout out
The darkness rendering me blind
And I run flailing all about
As I finally reach the light
My eyes burn and my lungs open up
I feel like a bird taking flight
My fear is once again, covered up
As I walk, head bowed in silent shame…
Jock Engelman, 3 january 2012
I’ve cried so hard,
My tears have turned black
The purity of my sadness
Has been destroyed long ago.
As it touches my paled skin
It fades inside my mind
The hatred spreads
Like poison mascara
It covers my identity
While stabbing my heart thin…
Blood flows thick,
Like oil seeping from my skin
Pain is an ungrateful feeling
To inflict potential confliction…
I suffer much agony
But choose to live this way
To show you that children
Have scars of sorrow too
And it could be like mine
A EMO teardropp lost in time.
Jock Engelman, 1 january 2012
The fate of hate is hate
Hate was his way of life
Humanity he did not like
Killed thousands
Around the world
Taught others
To live in hate
In the name of religion
Called himself a human
Lived like a demon
Spread terror on the earth
Did not get
Two yards for himself
Remains buried
In the depth of the sea
Was cursed by everybody
From a child to elderly
His fate was known
Long before he died
Tried his best to hide
But could not survive
The fate of hate is hate
Hate killed hate
Jock Engelman, 1 january 2012
I am fat and you are thin
I work hard but you dont
I am nice and you are mean
I am alone and you’re not
I am Hated but you are Loved
Can you see the pattern?
I think that it is a problem
But you feel no concern…
Jock Engelman, 1 january 2012
There is a theory that people insist
has to be right and has to be this
people choose when they die
how they die and their friends ask why
well I am here to tell you the truth
its not all bridges rope and a noose
peoples emotions build up inside
’til it gets too full and they cry and cry
their minds tell them the opposite of reality
which just turns out to be a fallacy
the force it turns out is greater than gravity
which pulls them into a state of self pity
the captured person would plan it out
how they’ll die they’d scream and shout
So now I plead don’t be mislead
just bear this statement in mind instead
Suicide is not chosen it happens when pain
exceeds the resources for coping with pain
and I hope making this poem wasn’t in vain
Jock Engelman, 31 december 2011
Why are you lying to me
why cant you leave me be
why do you have to look like that
why do u spill your wrist on the mat
why do I even talk to you
I know why because you asked me to
why do I listen to u speak
when I know perfectly well that you are weak
why do you command me so
while my emotions go to and fro
many battles I have lost
and lots of money it has cost
mostly coz of my bad memory
as I now sit underneath this chestnut tree
the struggle is still taking place
the eternal internal struggle
between my heart, brain and me
Poetry
Prose
Photography
Graphics
Video poems
Postcards
Diary
Books
Handmade
