Kurtis Smith, 26 march 2012
When you look at me what do you see?
A monster or human being?
Am I loving and caring or hateful and lethal?
My past doesn’t make me but my choices do
Everyone has cared but you
It should be no question why I love you
My love for you is beyond verbal description
Has always encouraged my decisions right
Never my definition but has always made me happy
Every breath shared with you is beyond amazing
When my heart burns I know our love’s true
The only thing I can say is I love you
I crave for those lips and beautiful eyes
Can’t survive without your warming words and gentle grasp
God has truly presented me with a surprise
My blood boils for you it always has
I want you now but I have to wait another 365
But no matter the struggle I will always love you
When I look at you do you know what I see?
An angel not a demon
So loving and caring never hateful or lethal
You’ve never judged but loved me
You’ve hurt me but my heart is still here for you
There is no question why I love you
Kurtis Smith, 26 march 2012
I practice torture introduce the worlds true horror
They don’t care, encourage rather forsake
Watch you suffer and fade away
Reaction so light hearted can only be trained
My game gives the ultimate pain
Names you the murderer and fills you with shame
My former time has brought your worst
An inmate of hate has made your life a losing debate
My hunters are blind of their new shadow
And the killer they will never find
I laugh and thrive off the threats from these squealing swine
Trust no one or you will be mine
My thirst for eradication has brought your assassination
This training has motioned your execution
It’s not my fault blame the nation
Let us have some fun and praise red rum
Endurance running low, gone without a sense
I’m unstoppable you have no defense
Kurtis Smith, 26 march 2012
Trapped behind walls that bite if I go too far
Lost with sickness my life is falling apart
Pieces crumble faster than I can save them
My partner holds the hammer
Instantly my dreams shatter
I must find a way through this maze
Before I throw myself in another world of pain
I look in the mirror every day
Wondering why, why did it have to end this way?
What did I do to push you away?
Your heartbreak is no fault of mine
But just the thought makes me want to run your way
Happiness is what I wanted
For that I had to pay a price
Unfortunately my heart wasn’t high enough
From the beginning I was beaten and pushed away
Every scar you gave me strengthened me, created who I am today
My love was a weakness you reminded me every day
My heart, mind, body and soul was for you no one else
You gave me your heart but spreaded your legs for everyone else
Resiliency was the mistake I made
One in which will never take my freedom ever again
But before I leave you answer me this
Why?
Kurtis Smith, 26 march 2012
The first one ditched me and showed me what I was worth
The last one took me in and loved me until she gave birth
To her little angel who deserved more than the dirt
She found in her pocked around the end of April
Her bitterness locked me in my room, kept me at my window sill
Wondering when I will ever be good enough
For this psychotic version of Cruella Deville
Acknowledgement from her was my hearts destination
Negative or positive, it never mattered
I just wanted a mother to tuck me in
And love me as she loved my brothers
But instead you threw me down, kicked me around
And told me I’ll be a failure until I’m six feet in the ground
Self-defense was never an option
Daddy was always in the background
Watching, making sure I got what I deserved
When you went too far he would justify it
By shoving my face back in the dirt
Humiliation was never enough you attacked my soul
And let me know I’ll never have any power or control
Of where I’ll end up down the road
But one thing I know for sure is that
I’m never coming home
Forgiveness was the true route I took
Bitterness and anger became pointless mind games
And started to lead me in the path you created within me
I will never be the same because of the words you beat me with
I will never be sane because of how you’ve treated me
But its okay, I forgive you
Your actions have scarred me as good as any knife
The bruises you left above almost had me end my own life
And achieve the mission you’ve thought about all yours
But these scars and bruises are not going to
Keep me from living my life how I want to
No matter the struggle or strife
You’re my mom and I will always love you
But the things you’ve done to me
Would make Satan himself get on his knees
And beg Gods forgiveness for the rest of eternity
Kurtis Smith, 26 march 2012
I woke up early one morning ready to start the day
Went and found the mirror to see what the critic had to say
Expecting nothing less or more the same
Rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and had to make a double take
Something’s missing; it’s on the tip of my tongue
Something’s different; I’ve been looking for it since I was young
I’ve never noticed before and now I’m befuddled as to where to look
I have the same red hair and blue eyes
I have the same freckles and attractive smile
I have the same straight teeth and dimples that make girls smile
My mind is sane and I’m not in any physical pain
But something is still missing
As I stare at myself in the mirror
Hoping I can figure out something soon
A muffled yawn came from the next room
Instantly my heart raced ahead of me
My chest began to burn unbearably
And my face reddened enough to resemble a cherry
I had no idea what my body was doing
But when that sweet voice called my name it all clicked
And everything began to make sense
As she walked behind me and put her arms around me
I stared at her beautiful figure in the mirror
And reminded she was reality not a dream
Happiness to me is a dream that comes and goes
And when I stare into her beautiful eyes
Smell her sweet hair; kiss those lips that warm my soul
Or just fall asleep with her by my side
It fills the void that kills me inside
Turns me a whole three-sixty and fills my heart with pride
Without her by my side, I’m but an empty shell
Without her by my side, I can never be myself
She is my definition of perfection
And when I look into her eyes
I can only see my hearts reflection
Kurtis Smith, 1 march 2012
Through all the paths i have been
And all the time i have been given
As well as my life of nastalgic crime
There is an answer i have yet to find
That continues to prick and tear at my mind
This question may confuse you
Or have you think that maybe i'm a little confused
Why don't you tell me?
But first find a mirror and tell me what you see
If you question the reflection or won't believe
Than answer my questions:
Why is beauty blind?
Why is this gift so hard to find?
Why can you see what's behind my eyes
But when i try i begin to cry?
Why can i see into that beautiful mind
But when i share you make me feel as if i've lied?
There can be so many explanations
For these incredibly irritating questions
But i'm at a loss and i don't see any directions
I think i know the answer i ask
But telling i'm afraid would be a very grieving task
Through all the minds i have been
And all the hearts i have been given
As well as living in my heartbroken life
There is an answer i want you to find
Why is beauty blind?
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