Ebony, 7 kwietnia 2012
when the world crashes down
around your head and the loud
resonance of the series of cracks
is deafening as stone begins to chip
tainted with mildew as it
has been fused with salted pain
and yet it comforts me
for years it was all i had known
only the constant asphyxiation
of white hot rage and pure anguish
lived within this martello tower, my home,
my life---my prison
and when all is said and done
i run my fingers along the cracks
mildewed with a thousand tears of frustration
and i remember how they all hurt me
god it hurt so bad---- sometimes i
just felt as if i could no longer
bear the pain---- but i did
i don't know which hurt me more
the pain they caused me
or the pain i did
i withdraw my hand from the chinks
which have now allowed sunlight to cut through the dark
i don't think i'm ready yet
no one knows me
i don't know me
i can't do this
chunks begin to break off
and the brilliance of the sun eliminates the darkness
the warmth heals the pain
as the fortress collapses
my eyes brim with moisture not yet passed the lids---the sun burns
yet its radiance----my radiance
captures me and i run to those who helped tear down my walls
and i introduce myself
to me
Ebony, 5 kwietnia 2012
A
great bird that settles in the heart of hearts
of all man, that which bends his will and sets his soul
aflame with desire and passion
The
fire that lights every action, reaction, proaction and detraction
the weight that wieghs heavily on his breast
as he searches high and low for an item that cannot exist in a simple word
Or
an object that can be attained through rigorous search and seizure
no deep and profound insights, revalations, sudden understanding of
an aspect as old as time and just as relentless
It
shall never lie an a complicated equation or years of a sorrow that has bathed
in repentance and careful resolve. no soul searching and shadows that chase you
thorough a dark alley with none but your past to confront and defeat
Simply
it lies in your heart
feuling every glory, every love, every tear shed through laughter and happiness
it is the inconspicuous shadow that follows you while you chase your tail searching for
An
existential piece of your soul that seems so lost but has never left because,
hope is the eternal light that will shine light when the darkness seems so alive
and once acknowledged will lead to the seemingly unattainable enigma we like to call
Peace
Ebony, 5 kwietnia 2012
tears fall a heavy speed
but they will never quell your courage.
the stones they throw
the lies they tell
the hate that eats away at their very bieng
do not dispair, your time will come.
empathize for their lack of human compassion
the windows of opportunity,
the doors are far beyond their grasp until they learn
until they see that they were wrong.
what you have acheived without them
these friends and lovers who tried to drag you down to their level
and succeeded to strengthen your resolve.
they never understood the burden that you carried all alone
and yet, perhaps they did.
the burden of hiding tears, holding your head high when life tried to crush you
there is no respesct, no reward, no courage in surrender
they may have well saved your life.
thank them for they have prepared you for the future
they may never be prepared for pain, loss,and humiliation the way you were.
there is no anger or resentment
and yet no sense of accomplishment
in a muffled victory, glory,
the aureole state of bieng was, has and always will be
your own personal lily, guilded by your passions and
polished by the blood caused by the blows of words
that carved out a pound of flesh, while they laughed.
the sweat that accumulated after every attempted escape
from them, from the pain, from what they made you.
the apathetic monster they attempted to mold you into.
to make you like them, so that you hurt like them, so that you projected
all your hatred and all your fears just like they did.
and the silent tears that streamed in aeonian rivers
that accompanied the frigid truth and spawned tangible barriers
so that the tunnel seemed to have no perceptible luminance.
the true comfort meant to be a punishment, which eroded every wall
every blockade, every ivory tower created to hide your presence
while you cowered
tasting naught but the salt of your own tears and aware of nothing but
the byproduct of your own pathetic cowardice.
it was the tears that saved you from the pain
the pain that saved your from the future
and it was them who saved your from yourself.
Ebony, 5 kwietnia 2012
Sometimes i think that i can't handle the world
That this time
This time i'll finally be crushed
Into a flat, tiny nothing and in that moment
All the pain and heartbreak, all the PRESSURE will finally be released
-
Sometimes i find a bit of solace in these thoughts
but i never cave in, i never let go
And just like Atlas in those Greek stories i read as a child
I carry the WORLD on my shoulders and i wonder
Did he ever want to let go?
Be crushed into nothing?
-
And i figure he must have
He LITERALLY felt the world on his shoulders
As it bore down on him and THAT was pressure
And he MUST have wished there was something to ameliorate
That pain
-
Me, I'm just a sixteen year old girl
Trying to bear my world
I'm no Atlas, but i feel his pain nevertheless
I know I wish that there was something,
ANYTHING to alleviate that pain.
-
But until I can find that something, that ANYTHING
That can stop the pain
I guess I, like Atlas, can do nothing
But bear my world
Atop MY shoulders
And remind myself that
I'm not the only one
Ebony, 5 kwietnia 2012
I want to paint the world with words unspoken
Watch them spread to each corner of the earth
Until the words spill off the end
And the pens that will one day send
The world into a suspended animation
That no one can even hope, dream, strive to comprehend
Will extend a helping hand to the friend called love.
I want to catch a thousand words in a net made of dreams,
Forgotten aspirations and watch it split at the seams
Because things aren't always what they seem
And my dad used to tell me that life is like a fish that swims upstream.
Difficult, but never impossible.
I want to hear the trees that fall in the forest and no one's there
So i can stare into the sky and wonder how in the hell i fell into this crazy thing Called life.
Because two and two make one
And i know that i'm not the only one who gropes, reaches for the rope to pull me up so I can keep up, because you see,
I know im lost at sea and if you can see the shore from where you swim it only Means that you're still that much closer than before to an answer that will only Leave you asking for more
Ebony, 5 kwietnia 2012
You think you know me
You think after a few words, a cup of coffee a smile
You get to know who I am
YOU don't know ANYTHING
I'll tell you what you think you know
That everyday i come to school with a smile on my face
and sometimes I don't.
Some days I won't talk to anyone
and some days I won't shut up
but most days I stay silent.
You think I can't stay out of everyone's drama
and it hurts me to be wedged in the middle of a rock
and a hard place.
And you are wrong.
Because I am always smiling
even if you can't see it with your eyes
I am always talking if you would tune
your ears to my station
and listen past the static
And my house was built on a rock
but the hard place is my home.
Drama is a passion and being in the middle
but watching from a distance is an art.
So buy me a cup of coffee
Everyday for a year if you'd like
And smile until hurts because
You still don't know me.
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