Proza

Her.
Hey, I'm Zoe.
Let me let you in on a little secret of mine
I love this girl and I'll give her my all
But I can't help thinking I'm a niece love struck fool
I won't take you back to how it all started
'Cos trust me, the story gets boring of how reality has parted
From my wishful mind
As I'm always fantasizing of ways to find
To get this girl fixed by my side
And imagining the day I make this girl my life
It seems so cliché, how I'm chasing this romantic dream
If you haven't guessed it already, I'm gay
So this shit gets harder to believe.
Not for me anyway, 'cos it's my normality
But take that our the equation
As it is the 21st Century
But trying saying that to Polly.
This beautiful green eyes princess
She's sweet as sin
And she's on everyone's wish list.
I know, you know, they all know beside her,
That we have this connection,
So symbiotically close, it fucking hurts.
I know, you know, they all know beside her,
This beautiful mess is perfection
The kind of shit that's unheard
But try saying that to her.
You know,
How the most purest, thrilling, enthralling and exciting
Component to life is not on the other side of Earth
It's not that miracle of child birth
And watching a vagina stretch 10cms in girth
Nor is it,
the mysteries of space and physics
All those crazy equations,
And headfuck theories that go with it.
But that love you feel for another Human.
That burning desire to spend each and every minute with them.
Okay, so you get I love this girl
I think no one can come between us
But, we're not together.
You've kindly given me a minute or two to explain.
I'm gonna ask for 3 or 4
And maybe a few more
Just to say...
'Cos you see I need some advice
To see things in a clearer light
'Cos my wisdom's quite shyte
And I assume you're all nice
And wanna help with my strife.
So, I'm gonna be polite
And ask you to hear me out, Alright?
I've persisted and struggled since 2007.
But all feelings were clouded back then
In drugs and make-believe heaven
She knows she's my wonderland I escape to
That feeling I have when I'm with her
Can make me withstand any bullshit fool
You know she gives me messages so blaintently clear
Like making out with
And all that shit she whispers in my ear
She's a deep soul,
And craves for someone near
There's all these fears she hides
Haunting shadows she leaves out of sight.
I'm the first one she calls when she's feeling sad
'Cos she knows no one can love her as I can.
But I don't know what to do
Believe it or not I can get fit girls on call.
Yet, they don't compare to this,
Beauty I put on a pedestal..
You can tell I'm not bored of this chase
So desperate to feel her warmth again,
in that warm, soft, tender embrace.
Now listen to this,
This is the bit that doesn't make sense;
We're travelling Europe in August, right?
And she wishes for me to return home every night.
I'm the first one she texts everyday,
And I'm the one she calls,
When she finishes work and gets on her way.
We talk for hours and share our lives.
There's never a dull minute,
But is she all a disguise?
She says we're best friends and she knows how I feel
Constantly squelling.
“I'm straight! ” She reveals.
Funny how she's done more with women than I ever have.
Listen to this claim:
She's telling me her new friend's straight.
But she's been in a relationship with a women for 4 years.
I don't think Polly's definition of straight is very clear.
She'll turn around and say to me,
“It's hard..” for her “I might be bi”
But she'll rewind,
Change her mind,
Go back and only fuck guys.
I hope you've been listening 'till now,
'Cos this is when I'm gonna spin the shit around.
“We're only best friends..”
She says she's the promiscuous sort
Bi-sexually greedy,
She claims it's not her fault.
She states it's not intended to hurt me.
She's not gonna change,
'Cos flirty's the way its gotta be.
Is she denying natural urges?
Or is she greedy for girl boy splurges?
She probably wants to keep me around
And not lose me as a friend
Because  I forget to mention,
She strives for love and affection
Not to mention,
She's an absolute whore for attention.
She knows I'm a sucker
And I'll go to beyond the end
For such a diamond gem.
To seek the magic in her crystal,
Glistening in all it's physical,
Lighting up my entire night,
With every shining side
She mirrors onto my monotonous life
..Basically,
She rocks my world right.
So, what do I do?
Be her friend and continue to wait.
Or, turn around and leave,
Before the love turns to hate.
What if my naïvety is getting the better of me?
You reckon this is all in my head,
And that we're never gonna be?
Is there a chance in hell
And should I continue to fend.
Fuck.
Or s this gonna be,
Just another block dead end.
This girl has me perplexed,
Like I'm a teenager again.
Constantly in my head.
There's thoughts of her going round
Like I don't have enough trouble already,
Bringing myself down from the clouds.
Some people have said I've got it bad.
I'm thinking fuck this!
I don't wanna be saying this,
same shit next year, wanting to feel her kiss.
Wondering if I coulda, woulda, shoulda had this.
Thinking what if, but, maybe bullshit.
Slip my chances and miss.
I've been waiting too fucking long!
I don't think she's ready.
Do I hold on?
Tell her to keep it secrete,
Then go steady?
Should I wait 'till we're in Prague,
Do a romantic number,
Reach into her heart.
Sweep her off her feet and squeeze her tight.
How about getting her drunk one Saturday,
And make love to her that night?
I tell ya, I've got some brilliant mates
That say I'm worth more,
than her next best date.
That I'm worth more,
Than someone's 2nd place.
How do I open her mind,
To see that best mates, on dates,
Sharing a pillow case,
Is the best fucking way.
When will she realise,
I won't wait 'till I'm 28.
How do I get her before it's too late?
Why should I sit back and rely on fate?
I know my emotions and feelings are fucking bait!
How much longer can I go back and fourth in this fucking debate? !
How do I get her to trust this won't be a mistake? !
Fuck it..
Can one of you call her and tell her it'll be the best fucking chance she'll ever take.