Betteloop, 2 january 2013
I wanted to love you forever,
Yet settled for right now
You said I could love you perfectly
You destroyed that somehow.
Of purpose, your own devastation course
Detached of any emotional involvement
No guilt no accountability, no remorse
You took from me, and took your fill
You emptied me, and you are empty still.
How does that happen, where did it go
I gave my hopes of a future,
To a man I can never know.
Snuffed my expectations,
Vanished into thin air…
Scarred my core so severely
I’d never know its there.
Childhood fancies of an awaited true love,
Superior, Regal and divine
Vanish in an instant and forgotten
Once upon a time.
Twice Ill never see
Thrice cursed in existence
A multiDimensional …
Reality.
Betteloop, 2 january 2013
Nature’s wet in the form of dew
Moist, glistening
Between my legs
Im thinking of you
Thoughts and fantasy
Intense and erotic
In the middle of my reality
Sometimes chaotic.
Unstructured,
Remaining somewhat civilized
Elements of fire
Burning ravenous
Out of control
Attraction…Desire
To touch taste, feel
The want the hunger
Sometimes seems unreal
Real, I know You are
How; Secrets I cant tell
But pictures of you
In the meantime
Feed my fantasies well
Betteloop, 26 january 2012
I cannot hold you responsible for not loving me enough
And should have expected that you would get going
When the going got rough
The greatest gift I could ever give myself
Is love
Because you never did.
C'est lavie to author's wealth
Finish this chapter
and end this book
and put it back on the shelf.
No one needs to read it,
For it would never be understood
And from front to back
cover to jacket
would ever be considered good
Just a waste of time, love and space
Misery evident all over the place.
You exceeded expectations then sold yourself short
Random experiences collected and left scars breed together
Imitating an unsightly wart.
You sucked up my confidence-
Bled me dry with lies
Humpt me and dumped me
Then apologize
Nothing’s worth everything
Left with what you brung
Worthless and quite stenchy
A big pile of dung
Memories of illusions
Held false within the mind
Keeping one focused ahead
On things better left behind,
So much for the future
You never led me to
You were always saying I don’t
But this fool here said I do
What your body language was betraying
All those games
you say that you weren’t playing
WHaT OF ThE DREAmS
LIFETIME CHOICE OF sweethearts swayed by love
That survived taking the chance-
A dance you never heard of
Music never reached your ears
My words never touched your heart
You will never taste my bitter tears
And I’ll forever wonder why we are apart
Betteloop, 26 january 2012
myself again.
"leave em alone and they'll come home waggin thier tails behind them..."
if what they said be true
what would be said of you
the signs were there
from the very start-
you took over my mind
and stole my heart
quick connect
just as quick detach
words and deed
didn't match
i fell in love with your potential
the lover you could be
and shared my dreams
and hopes of the future
with a man you'll never be
future thoughts
a neglected smile
little did i know
you were laughing all the while
I excused all your inconsistencies
and began to question them as mine
and all the things I knew felt wrong
but pretended they were fine
looking forward to a happiness
based on imaginary wealth
accepting blame for the defficiancies
taxing my mental health.
used to getting what I want
I cant get what I need
and you arent happy either
so Go On! you're freed
Betteloop, 26 january 2012
Inner Beauty
Darkened skies
Some shadowed cast of light
Obscure and most eerie
Insects buzz a haunting tune
An air of false ambiance,
A personality sort
Illusionary calm,
The night,
Thick with pretense.
My mind
Almost lucid;
Promised tranquility disappears with the moon.
Dissipation of dream like state…
Reality
Reeks of anguish and grief
Layers of insults upon injury
The masquerade reveals a mannequin
Hidden is the soul beneath
Manipulated behaviors and modified by method
Tormented by rules of etiquette
Shaped with intricate futility
Shamed by tendencies
Handicapped with porcelain fragility,
Humbled by humility.
And hated on for Inner Beauty
Posted by krptd
Betteloop, 15 december 2011
together for a minute
it seems like many more
instances I am the object of his desire
in the next I am nothing but a whore
useless, worthless a cunt in fact
all the wondrous things he calls me
and never takes them back...
but take him back,
I always do,
even though the things he shouts
aren't even close to true.
One day its that Im a bitch
another its got to do with meds
Im sick I am twisted
Im fucked in the head.
then it seems as if his anger passed
and good for a day or two,
but seldom does it last
he forgets the things he tells me
promises broken incidentally
much different than the picture he paints
and always tries to sell me.
I love this man
the best way that I know how
but my best will never be good enough
I know this now
No matter what path i choose
he decides if I lose
whether we get along or fight,
decides who's wrong and whats right,
when to stay and why to go,
why that is I'll never know
he refuses to be realistic
or see his error in ways
and justifies his cruelty
and the mean things he says
to him I am a possession,
and one he readily discards
detachment is his middle name
loyalty he disregards.
hes wrung me through the ringer
hung me out to dry
no longer making me smile
he loves to see me cry.
walk away he always does,
needing no other reason than just because
he used to make me love him
and thought he loved me
but now i see that things can never be
accusations without supportive facts
cold heartless without love
is the way he attacks...
says he hates me
knows that I am a cunt
doesn't stand behind me
puts on quite the front
its over now
no more games no more inflicted wounds no more hurtin'
no more trying to decipher
what is certain
its quite obvious,
hes got what he wanted no more need to pretend
he doesnt act like he loves me nor as if we're friends
and every other day he decides he wants it to end
i deserve better
someone who is real
someone able to love and knows how to feel
emotions other than anger hatred and will allow time to heal.
when together its in secret, the multitude is unaware,
his actions always confirming
that he doesn't really care
he will delete his profile
rather than say in a relationship for a while
but listing single as his status
always makes him smile
his abuse-his mistreatment and pointimg the finger at me
defines the eact reasons why we can never be
but rather than read this and realise,
he'll claim its only more lies
it kills me-more and more of me dies
less and less of me tries
Betteloop, 15 december 2011
perfect imperfections
My thoughta feelings and insecurities,
A poem if you will,
Truth is true even if you lie to yourself
It is Truth styll-
Right if you allow it to be
Solution like needs to be
And my questions, perceptions and unresolved issues
Of whats with you and me
Perfect reflection of an imperfect collection
Perfect is a lie
The truth is you and I
Is there no happy medium?
The choice is but to choose between yelling or silence?
Negative attention or no attention??
Supercharged or no charge at all??
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
And the ability to keep a distance right next to me you have mastered just fine.
I don’t understand any of it at all…
Tyme continues to move on, we continue but not together, we just exist
Independently of one another, alternating ownership of an attraction meant to resist
Silence is by far better than the fight…I never get to choose,
silence when you want it to be and argument when Im right
And in the shadowed existence and distorted visions of what love is meant to be…
Lies the imperfect reflection of dysfunctional life-
The truth is YOU and Me
The unresolved issues, necessary but silenced words, put off for later consequently never heard.
Inflicted hurts, ignored wounds-like baggage perfectly packed
Fear prevents my bringing them up again-
Afraid of how you will react
Stuffed by silence instilled by fear
Why am I alone in this
When you are right here??
I question
Both myself and you
Im the only one who answers
I go out there you come in here
I come here
You stay there
I go there
You come here
Then leave me here
You go
You come back
But not to me,,,
Why?
How do you really?
And is it because...?? > I FEEL
The only answers I get,
Your actions directions and silence
the only answer you have given me yet…
Disappointment
You're content
If you are not why not make it clear
I am alone but you are near
Again I answer myself
I shed a tear
Alone as if you were never here
I go to you
You come at me
Backpedal -retreat -
Backwards defeat
Turn it around upside down
Over
it repeats
I am here
Without you…
You have walked away
Mad angry ?? Nothing to say??
Same shit nother day
But another day has come
you by yourself
and me? I am Done…
Betteloop, 15 december 2011
Insignificant significant
Ungrateful bitch
Hold jur tongue, silence the inflicted hurts
Significant bitch
The likes you have not imagined...but believe
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.
Hold styll
Resist the urge to
No sneeze no sniffle-
Gag your mouth
Choke back the tears
Little shrunken coward girl
In the corner crouched in fear-
Resolve to
Never to,..
Had to
Fall down too
So hopeless,
The cause,
The claws
Retracting-
REFRAIN-Shut thy mouth…don’t fucking speak!
Control doesn’t make you superior
Your insistence creates a freak
What means nothing to you
In- Significant even to you
Perhaps, by chance,
Not A deciding factor for you
And be it so of little monetary value
Insufficient as you view.
Although, little worth is hardly true,
I didn’t say a word…
Hold the tongue
If you ever doubted-
Know in fact it is true
Substantial damage exists within and behind…
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.
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